State Of My Soul (Spoken Word/Poem)

Flat lined on the hospital table
Spiritual ER hardly stable
So blind, unconscious,
like some show on cable
I saw myself laying there
Dying and disabled.

I heard the machines
The beeping was declining
Nurses rushing
“We’re losing her doctor
She’s not even fighting”

See, in reality I was smiling
As the world went by me
While inside denying
That too much garbage I’d been hiding.

Hurts which I thought were buried
Oh the disappointments they varied
And so, too much baggage I carried
while myself and lies were about to be married.

Unforgiveness was the altar
And bitterness the ring
Unbelief like a witness and,
Disobedience like a wedding theme.

As if my heart of flesh
Had turned to stone
Like I had turned my back on the truth I’d known
Too many wounds
My scars that showed
I had enough
Like that prodigal son,
decided to hit the road

But I couldn’t save myself even if I tried,
My vitals were dropping
as I held onto my pride
Vitals like hope,
And the desire to keep living
My knowledge of the cross
Felt like a guilt burden

Because I hated my own helplessness
What a failure I felt
I surely failed God
Just like I had failed myself

I self loathed and pitied
Feeling far from help
In darkness I gave up on myself
And death was the result.

So in the spiritual emergency room,
Like they’re about to call time of death
The Doctor rushes in and says
“I’m not done with her yet”

Defibrillator named love
Shock waves of truth
Loosening the grips of death
Destroyed deceptions noose
A second shock of love then came
Courage filled my veins again
Like oxygen revitalising my brain
Like an anesthetic relieving the pain

One final shock
A breath of hope
Gasping deeply
my heart no longer choked.

So He excavated my heart
Right after an injection of faith
A painful process
But necessary to loose the chains.
For darkness to be gone
And Light to be my robe
I was slowly recovering
As my life was being made whole.

So alive in His grace
A mercy filled report chart
I was given a new heart
Myself and my Saviour were no longer apart
Yet still came an even harder part
Rehabilitation had to start.

King of all Surgeons
My counselor, so kind, He said:
“You’re healed, and delivered
But transformation is in
The renewing of your mind”

He said: I paid the cost for your life to be saved,
Your life insurance through my own expense has been paid,
No condemnation because you’ve newly been made,
Because I heard every cry for help that you prayed.

Let me explain:
I was rescued from deception
Set free through redemption
Now everyday He captures my attention
Asking me one simple faith question:

WILL… YOU… TRUST ME?

And every day I vow: Jesus, I do.

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